Episode 17: Funny Cryptids: Exploding Rabbits, Furry Sushi, and the Sadness Puddle

Step aside, Bigfoot. We’re moving into the "Budget Section" of cryptozoology.

This week on the pod, we’re trading in the terrifying for the truly ridiculous. We’re diving into the world of funny cryptids—the ones that are more likely to make you laugh than scream. We discuss the Squonk, a creature that is essentially just a walking emotional breakdown in a puddle; the Furry Trout, which is what happens when a fish decides it needs a winter wardrobe; and the Jackalope, the antlered rabbit whose population control methods are... explosive, to say the least.

From the spike-covered Hodag of Wisconsin to the Drop Bears that make Australian tourists live in fear of trees, we’re questioning the biological logic of every creature on this list. We also get lost in the chaos of Cornish Pixies, who are basically just the original "Chaos Gremlins" of the UK.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, and welcome back to episode 17 of the Cause Conventions podcast. My name is Stacey. I'm Vicky. And we are here today for the second time recording because we recorded yesterday and we decided we did not like what we were talking about. No, it was too political. Yes, but if you I do want to mention, if you do want us to air that political podcast episode where we literally air out the government for what they are, then let us know in the comments below because we do have it recorded. It could be released. Part of it recorded because the mics died. That was the other part. Basically, we got like 50 minutes into the episode and the mics cut out because I didn't charge them. Yeah. Um my bad. But anyway, it's kind of a good thing that that happened because that was one reason I was kind of like, is it worth keeping it or not? And then I was actually thinking about and I was like, you know what? Like, this isn't really what the put the podcast is about. It's kind of conspiracy, but it's not really. It's on that border. It's more factual than conspiracy. But if you do want to hear the facts, then let us know and we will do a bonus episode. Yeah, maybe we could uh it's a bonus episode. Yeah. Why not do that? Yeah, we could like a midweek Yeah, like let's ruin the lives. Happy Wednesday! Not really ruining the lives, it's making you angry. Let's make you angry, but no. Um, maybe we'll do that. So keep an eye on that one. Uh little bonus episode of the political things that our government's doing. Mm-hmm. Anyway. How's your how's your week, Mimics? Uh how's your poltigeist? I literally said this to you yesterday. Like, I knew I I had a poltyge. And then I've completely forgotten it. Oh. So. I thought you might have found your polty guys somewhere hiding in your cupboard or something. No, there's actually been no updates. No updates on that. But tonight there will be. Everyone here. Enzo does like to talk in his sleep and then scream, cry in the middle of the night. See I He was screaming the other night, going, No, no! Lit and I was like, Okay, is he being dragged out of his bed? So I looked on the on the monitor and he was fine, but he was just like wriggling around. Yeah. So I went down to him and he was annoyed about something, I can't remember what it was, but I thank God nothing was actually ripping him out of the bed. Well, there is always that. That is always a thing. Silver lining. I had to get up the other night in the middle of the night to feed Arya, and me and Andrew I made the mistake. I don't know why I do this. I always like the idea of watching something scary. Always love the idea. I'm like, yes, let's watch something scary. Great. Two minutes into it, I'm like hiding. I'm like, can't watch this. We watched an episode of From Have You Seen It on Nope. Okay, it's on our TV. And we've only watched one episode so far, and it was it's super creepy. It's more creepy than scary, like, but it's intense when you're watching it at night. Yeah. And um, it's basically about a town that you've once you enter, you can't leave that town. But then at night you have to go in the house and hide. You have to put wardings up on your windows, um, on your at the front door, and if you yeah, you have to close all your curtains, lock your windows. They kind of like in the Appalachian Mountains, kind of, but basically what happens is people you love who have died, they come knocking at your windows. Why? I don't know. And so you hear a tap-tap-tap, and it's like, hey, it's your grandma! Can you please let me in? I'm so scared out here. And like, so it's talking to this little girl, little fucking girl, by the way. Start of this uh spoiler alert, I'm sorry, but anyway, the first like scene is pretty much this little girl and this old lady at the window and talking to her because it's her dead grandma. But please let me in, I'm so cold out here. So and then her mum's like, no, no, don't do it. And then she opens the fucking window and it turns into this demon thing and rips them to pieces. They're like everywhere, and that happens every night, and then they will come back and they'll they'll haunt whoever else that that they know that that they're there that lives there. So that's the whole thing. And I then had to get up and feed L after watching it, and I was like, do not look at the windows, do not look at the windows. They'll look at the windows, I'm like, please, and they will stare at them like I'm a fucking idiot. Like to continue to stare at them to see if it happens. And I'm just like, why am I doing this for myself? Why do we do this? Yeah, I stupidly thought about the mimic last night. Oh, and then I was like, Right, okay, I need a wee, Enzo's been up a couple of times. So I went to the toilet, and then I thought I saw like where my toilet is, you can see inside my shower. And I thought I saw something in my shower. Oh. And I was like, no, it wasn't. But then my brain decided, like, you know what, I'm gonna fuck with you now. It was like, no, you did see something, and I was arguing with it with myself. So I was like, right, quickly finish peeing, and I almost legged it upstairs. Yeah. And then my brain was going, There's something behind you, there's something behind you. I don't, I hate when I do it to myself. So I literally I shut my bedroom door and got into bed, and I was like, There was nothing there. I know there wasn't anything there, but my brain was just pretty much going, haha. Yeah. No, I don't like it. I do it to myself all the time. I don't really think I have a proper poverty guys, honestly. Yeah. Let's see, I don't I know I had one. Why but I can't fall on your wall. Oh, Nino needed somewhere to fucking tie his motorbike shit. Looks very weird in the bedroom. Yeah, I know. I know. I said that to him. I was like, if anybody comes up here, I was like, who's gonna come up to our bedroom? I was like, alright, okay. Anyway, back on track. Now I don't I don't know, apart from just general crap that's going on. Like, I guess my poltigeist is that I might be moving house. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed, and then I have to undo all of the um I've I've I've turned up everything, but my notifications on my laptop. Anyway, I have to pack up everything and I'm just on the garage. I know you literally spent ages doing that. So it makes me a little bit sad. But also I need to report that my dishwasher's broken because it's been broken for months and I haven't reported it. And I need to report that the garage door's broken. Yeah, maybe you should do that. So I need to do that before I hand my notice in. So you could be like, as you're moving out, but oh, because we haven't used the garage door for ages, we thought we'd use it while we're moving out and it's not working. Well, I've You could do the dishwasher now and just let something's happened to it. Yeah. Basically, that's what I've kind of been thinking about saying is like, look, to be fair, the the wires for the garage door, it's they're all so rusty, they're so old. And literally the neighbour's door broke the other day. Their door was hanging off the same as ours, so there's clearly something wrong with the garage door. Like they must have like a timeline before it breaks completely. They're new builds. But they're like 10-15 years old. Still. And it's rusty. Anyway, that's what I'm doing. Anyway, let's um let's move on. I don't know what we're talking about. That's what we were talking about. Geez, what is wrong with me today? I don't know. I've just been like hardwired on the wrong side of the tracks. Uh that doesn't even make sense. It really doesn't. I need to drink my matcha. My dirty matcha. Your depressor espresso. Yeah, see that ice? Oh but if I did that, you'd get triggered by it. I didn't slurp it. And yeah. Okay. I know it's me, but it's different when it's other people, okay? Okay. Okay, so today we are going to do something a little bit more light-hearted um and a bit more fun.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

So these are like some crazy cryptid stories of like mythological stupid beasts, basically. Um did Christmas with our spoon liquors. Yeah, just a bit of fun. Scraper. I was actually listening to that one the other day. With the spoon liquors. Yeah. And I was sat there in the school park, car park laughing. I looked like a right idiot. You should put your phone up to your ha your ear at least being like, that's true, I could have done, but I didn't think of it. You didn't. No. I just sat there looking like a weirdo. So now usually that word makes you think of things that are like dark, blurry, and terrifying, like Bigfoot, Log Ness Monster. Oh, Lord Nessie. Things that people spend millions of like pounds trying to prove that exist. Yeah. Um, but today we're doing the opposite. So we're looking at the mythical mythical mythical creatures that started as a prank in a bar, like a bored taxidermist fever dream, or can you disgrace? Yeah. Yeah. Or just a way to mess with Taurus. I actually had a thing about Jesus the other day. Okay. This may offend some people. If you are a Jeebus believer, I think I've already offended them by by now. Why is it? I had the thought in the shower, by the way. I was literally just like, I don't know why it came into my head. It did. I was in the shower, and I was thinking, why is it that people believe that Jesus died and was resurrected, turned water into wine or whatever it was, or wine into water, I can't remember. Water into wine. Yeah, but you know, it went the dehydration way. Yeah. But um, why do why do Christians and all the other religions believe this could happen? But they don't believe aliens could exist. A man can be risen from the dead, but an alien out of the question. But do you know that the funny thing is that they call it Good Friday. Yeah. Because that's the day he died. So why is it good? I I don't know. And also what what didn't he get resurrected? So they from what I remember, because I remember they they pushed this on us a lot in primary school. So he died on the cross for our sins. Oh, on the Friday and came back on the sun. Yeah, so the people are like, oh, he died for our sins. Okay, well he died for our sins, so I can still sin them, right? Yeah. Because he's he's died for it. He's paid the price. But anyway, he died on the cross on Friday. They took him down, they put him in a cave, put a boulder in front of the cave. By the way, why would you do that? Just bold just lock him in there. Yeah, they were just like, you know what, you just pop him in there, we'll we'll deal with them later. And then on Sunday, he just wanders out, like, hey guys. But this also made me laugh because I was saying to Andrew, like, back then they wouldn't know if he was in a coma. Yeah. Or if he had drunk too much. Like what if it's like the people? He could have just been so dehydrated that he just passed out of time. Of course he's dehydrated, there's no fucking water left. I mean, he would be like, Oh, this this wine is my blood. This bread is my body. Right? So you want people to drink your blood and eat your body. Apparently. But the thing I did like it's literally like saved by the bowel like we covered before. Like they would just bury people because they thought they were dead. Yeah. So they just put him in the thing and he's like, Oh no, I'm actually dead. And it's like, holy crap, he's alive. But anyway, regardless. And if they believe this is real. Okay, but also, sorry, one more thing about him dying. He was dehydrated and upright for days. Yeah, right. All that blood is down to his feet. They finally lay him down in a a cave. Yeah. So the blood is now going back up to his brain. He woke up. Mm-hmm. It's kind of logical to just lie him down and hope that he wakes up. But do you know what? Not logical. Thinking that he was a white man in sandals. Yes. He was in Jerusalem. Mm-hmm. His mother was born in Jerusalem. Also, his mother was called Mary. What person from Jerusalem was? And she was a virgin. But who's called this this is actually like aliens can't exist. But a woman can get impregnated by someone in the sky. Yeah, you you're not allowed to have premarital sex. But Mary is allowed to have a husband and get impregnated by God Himself. I mean, how I don't know how she explained that to wherever his name was, I can't remember his name now. I think it's believed. Joseph. And then they expect her to be this white woman who lives in Jerusalem, because we know she lived in Jerusalem, because that's where why they were going to be. For the census. So you have to have you have to go back to the place where you were born. So he was a black man. But no, they're like, now he's a white man and sandals. Yeah. Makes no sense. Doesn't make any sense. Also, I really don't think Mary is a Jewish name. Um Jewish. Don't say he was Jewish as well. Was he? Yeah. I don't even know. I don't know enough about it. But I do know that if you believe a man can turn water into wine and can be resurrected. I mean, I'd like a man who could turn water into wine, but it's the point. If they can believe that, why don't they believe in ghosts? Like they believe in the devil and stuff. But really, a lot of Christian people I know they're like, ghosts don't exist. And a magical man in the sky again. But you also don't believe in aliens, yet you believe that a man in the sky impregn did what if what if what if it was a fucking alien abduction? She got inseminated by some fucking aliens and they put her back down and they're like, oh, we saw the the um the angel appeared, but it was actually the light from the fucking UFO thing down on a man, being like, I come in peace. You know, like off of after Christmas. Like that. But he that's what could have happened. Yeah. And then then she was like, oh, that that's nonsense. Back then. Right, that's how I'm pregnant. I got yeah. Yeah, and also back then, they would eat shit like all the time for like to make them hallucinate and shit. Half of them were on like hallucinogenics. No, this fucking bitch was on like acid and she Well I mean acid is a man-made things. She was probably on shrooms. She was on something. Yeah. And then she saw the alien bring down the like yeah, who knows? But I'm telling you is if you can believe a man gets resurrected, you should be believing in everything else. Because it makes no sense to believe in one thing and not the other. Anyway, ran over 15 minutes in. Done all the time. Sorry to offend anybody. I think we've just lost some listeners. But you know, you weren't meant to be. It's bound to happen. If you continue to listen to us, you're gonna get more offended the more and more we listen. So I mean to be honest, sometimes I like getting offended. Why? I don't know why. Sometimes I'll be like a weird thing to like doing. I like being offended. Not like not to a point where it's like bullying, but it's like when you know when people are like, oh, British people do this, I'm like, the fuck we do? Like, what are you on about? And then I'm like, I end up getting annoyed about it, and then I keep scrolling to find more. I think you have issues. Anyway, yeah. So we got to the point where we're talking about fever dreams or just a way to mess with Horus, right? This is the cryptid things that kind of don't remember what you said because we got so sidetracked. But I will reread it. Okay. So we're doing the opposite to logical, not logical things, but things that people spend loads of money trying to prove that exist, like Loch Ness, months are a big book. It's the opposite. Okay. Yeah. We're doing we're looking at the mythical creatures that started as a prank in a bar, um, a board taxonomy's fever dream, or just a way to mess with tourists. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So these are the creatures that are objectively ridiculous, yet somehow they've inspired museum exhibits, local laws, and some very confused scientists. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. So the first one, the jackalope. The king of the hooks. Okay. Mm-hmm. Is it the cross between a jackfruit and an antelope? No, that's a fruit and a mammal and a mammal. Apple pen. Pineapple, apple pen. Oh god, we were obsessed with that. That was so funny. Apple pen. I have an apple. I have a pen. Oh, apple. I have a pineapple. I have a pen. Oh. Pineapple pen. Anyway, if you haven't seen that, you need to go listen to that. Satch up on YouTube. You won't remember. I'm wishing that's so much more money. I am I'm showing Cassat tomorrow so you can do it to everyone because it's too funny.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

That was most beautiful. Remember the German guys.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

I think we need to get back on track. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. The Jackalope. Yeah. Or rather the rabbit. Okay. What's Jack do with an antelope and a rabbit? You don't want to know.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Right. Have you ever been Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

I've never been a bit. If you've ever been to a dive bar in America, in the American West, you've seen it. A jackrabbit with Atlas of an Antelope. Sounds normal. So what? It's the most iconic American hoax. And we can trace it back to two teenagers in 1932, Douglas and Ralph Herrick. Amazing people, because they've clearly started something. They were budding taxidermists who came across they came home from a hunt, tossed a rabbit on the floor next to some deer atners, and realized it looked hilarious.

unknown 19:11

Sounds like me and you.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Not some dead animal thing, but just like a guy on on TikTok. And he's well, I don't know if he's a taxidermist or if he just likes to make random shit. But he had um I think it was a rat pencil case. He turned a rat into a pencil case. And then the asshole was the pencil sharpener. I thought you were gonna say it's where you put the pens in. No, you put the pencil in and sharpen it. Wow. So we've got our rabbit and we've got some deer to put them together. Jackalo. Anyway, um they've they found it hilarious. So they mounted it and they sold it to a hotel owner for$10, and the legend was born. These guys are like idols. Like they have got it going. They've just made some money by stitching some shit together. And I think that says budding taxidermist. So they're not they're not are they actually taxidermists or are they just like I think they're like with trainee, like or they're just self-taught. They're like Well but is budding mean bunny taxidermist. That's just what they called it back then. That's that's the PG version. Usually when things are like budding, it's starting, isn't it? Yeah. So is that like the new taxiderm? Is that their first ever one? They were like, that looks funny. Yeah. Let's just learn how to do this. I honestly don't know. But here's the wild part. People start reporting them in the wild. Can you imagine if you're the ones doing this? And there's this fucking idiot that's like, I saw one of those. Saw one of those. It's gonna be the weirdo at the bar. With one eye and a peg leg, like, I was out the other day, and I saw one of those, it looked me right in the eye. Uh and there'd be a sad but true scientific reason for that. It's called the shrook pluminum virus. Why do you so stupidly? I think I don't the show pluminum virus. Is that where? Like I mean it probably isn't. But with ants, there's like a virus sort of thing that they can get where it basically roots start coming out of their home dust. I'm getting it. Read it aloud for us, okay. Okay. I'm gonna put it in my microphone so everyone hear it. Chopei papillomavirus. I didn't. Chope papaloma virus. I was almost there. So noof, noof, noof, noof. The Chopei papillomavirus. Didn't think I did it right then. Anyway. It causes rabbits to grow hard tumours on their heads and they look like horns. Okay. So it's a horny rabbit. It's like a cancerous rabbit, I guess. Unfortunate rabbit. Oh god. So early pioneers weren't just drunk on moonshine. They were actually seeing a horned rabbit. A horny rabbit. But I mean I don't think it's a Was this around Easter. Barbara is down there. Chicken duck. I was a chicken rabbit. I was thinking more of the transforming neighbours. They were just really drunk from the bar and they just didn't transform properly. David down the bar was really horny that night. If you don't know what we're talking about, go listen to our Easter episode because it's funny. It was literally last episode. Yeah, go listen to all of our episodes and then come back to this one. Yeah. Do that. Don't listen to the first one because it's not very good. Yeah, I know. I skipped that one too. I listened to it and I was like, I can't stand this the quality of this. I know. I kind of want to delete it, but then I'm also like, I don't want to delete it, but No, because then we'll be like, hey guys, this is episode two. And also we have the clip of the weird shit that was talking during our podcast that pretended to be Nino. Yeah. But yeah, maybe just don't go listen to that because it's pretty shit. Yeah. Anyway. It wasn't the last episode, by the way. It was the episode before. We just didn't error on these stuff because we were idiots. Remember what I can't remember what we did last week. We didn't what did we do last week? I think it was really boring because I was gonna tell everyone not to listen to it. What did we listen to? I might go to guess from our uh from our title. Hang on. Full load. Where is it? Oh wait, no, we've done the Winchester House. Oh yeah, maybe do listen to it. Yeah, so that wasn't boring. No. I quite like that one. Anyway. So today, the town of Douglas, Wyoming, actually issues official jackalope hunting licenses. But be careful. They're only valid for on June 31st. And I'll let you do the math on that one. There's only 30 days in June. Oh. 30 days have September, April, June, and November. I love that I whispered I don't I don't get it. But I whispered it into the microphone. So everyone heard me. I could delete this, but I probably won't. No. Um sorry, just also to add. 30 days have November April, June, and November. Every year 31. Why'd you say November twice? April, June, no. 30 days has September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31 except February. Alright, alright, alright, alright. Sure. Yeah, we've done sorry, we we done Winchester House, and then the one before that was Epstein. And then the one before that, we were really bodies. We were really um advanced. Advanced? Quick? I don't know. Shut up. Right, we can clearly see that I can't do the math on the the month. So anyway, basically you get a license for it, but you can't use it. You can't. Yeah, you you're also not gonna find it. It's not gonna be it's never gonna be valid. And it's also never gonna happen. There's not a rabbit going wrong with Atlas on his head. Well, I mean, and that is unfortunate. But it's just got horns. It's more like a rhino than an atlas. Atlas are big. That's true. It's got little stump, little stumpy things. Anyway, let's move on. Oh dear. What? Damn I've lost where I am. Right. So that's the end of that story. Basically, two guys decided to stitch a rabbit and a deer together. Well, Atlas together, and they became historical people who spread news that apparently there's these rabbit things going around. Kind of like in Australia where they have drop bears. Drop bears? Yeah. That people say when like if you go out and go into Australia, the locals will say, well, careful of the drop bears. Which are pretty much like they say that they're like these koalas that will drop out the trees onto you. Don't koalas that drop out of the drop out of the trees. Or is that that pandas? Pandas drop out the trees. Pandas are stupid. So I love watching the videos. The reason why they're extinct, like they're just stupid things. The thing is, I always look so shocked about why they've fallen over. Honestly, pandas remind me of Malachi so much. Malachi is a panda at heart. Anyway. They do act like little kids, don't they? Little toddlers. Yeah. They're very cute. I love pandas. The next one is the hodjag. Hod? Hodjag? Hodag. Hodag. You good? It's about H-O-D-H-E.

unknown 27:37

Hodag.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Hodaj? Hodbadge.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Hot badge. Let's read it aloud.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

The hot ag. Hodag. The hot ag. The hot ag. Um, it's Wince Wisconsin's Grumpy mascot. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

So we're heading to Rhineland. Oh my god. I'm just gonna say Wisconsin, okay? I cannot pronounce it. Um, to meet the hottag. If you saw a hot egg, you'd know it. Okay. Okay. So it's got a head of an ox and the back of a dinosaur. And it also has the feet of an elephant. What?

unknown 28:25

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 28:27

It looks like a lizard that went to the gym and only did upper body things. Ow! Oh, I just cut my ankle. You just sounded like a cat. I just had to get some tissue to wipe my nose and I just scraped my my ankle. So yeah, it looks like a lizard that went to the gym, but needed upper body. This was the brainchild of a prankster named Eugene Shepherd in 1893. He claimed he captured one using a pole and a net and displayed it at the cunt the county fair in a dark tent. So what did he actually display then? We will find out. Okay. He told people the beast ate nothing but white dogs. And only on Sundays.

unknown 29:19

This fucking guy.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

I wanna know how old this guy is. I'm imagining that if somebody's got like this like white Pomeranian. Oh no, Fifi! Well well that dog wouldn't even exist back then. That's true. But white dogs didn't really exist back then, surely. When was it 1890? Yeah. Yeah, they would have 1890 only ten years later it would have been 1900s. Twenty years after that would be nineteen twenty.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

I mean, you got Can you think you're really white dogs? Cause I can't.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Not ones that are like born white all the time, but I mean there are white dogs. Yeah. I guess so. There's white poodles. But poodles would have existed. They're cross-pood. Yeah, but they would have existed. I don't know, because aren't they they're only from that from breeding. Yeah, but 1890 isn't old. It would be what, a hundred and I don't know. Anyway, let's just move on. There's a white dog. It's got it's got uh the taste I I'm trying to do the math. Hang on. Calculator That's how I work out how old things are. 2026 take 1890. 136 years ago. That's a long time ago. Yeah, but 136 years in the fact of in the sense of breeding dogs that's not long. Okay, well, you say that. I don't think poodles. Let's us know in the comments below if poodles existed then. Anyway, he claimed he captured it using a pole, a net, and displayed it at the county fair in the duck tent. He told he told everyone that he didn't eat anything but white dogs and only on Sundays. I love that he added that only on Sundays. No post on Sundays. I still think of that every Sunday. I literally have you in my head going, no post on Sundays. No dogs on Sundays. None of that. Anyway, he has like hide instead of hide your kids and hide your wife, it's hide your white dogs on a Sunday. So he had wires attached to the creature so it would wiggle in the shadows. And people wouldn't wiggle wiggle wiggle. People were terrified. He kept he kept the ruse going until the Smithsonian institution announced they were sending scientists to investigate. Shepard had to come clean, but the town didn't care. They loved the monster so much that they kept it. Today there is official mascot. It's it's their official mascot. It's a monster built entirely of fake, fake it until you make it energy. For your question, what did he make out of? Everyone's starting to know, yeah? Yeah. So there's a few different materials. Okay, so he got a sewing needle. The body used a large wood carving. Um, specifically a carved stump, if you wanted to know. Okay. As the base to give it a bulky seven-foot long frame. Okay, so he got a tree and was like, I'm gonna cut this. He was doing some arts and crafts, and he wanted to show it. Some arts and crafts. So the spikes and horns, the horns of a bison. Okay, so he used some real animal in there. Yeah. And the rows of spines along its back were actually cattle horns and sharpened steel spikes. Okay. So he got wood, metal, and bone. And the details, he used bulging glass eyes and large tusks to make it look prehistoric. So he um he ran wires and strings through the the display in a deemly dimly lit tent and would pull them to make the head look like it's m like it's moving. Um, or the body was twitching, and sent and like sent the audience screaming towards the exit. It's a piece of wood with some spikes in it. No wonder he'd done it in a shaded tent. This guy Did nobody go through like during the day with like a torch and been like, let's actually have a look at this. I'm pretty sure I could tell if something is a real beast or if it's a fucking piece of wood. Back then, can you imagine they haven't got a lot of cut like a lot of tools? But when you say that, the architecture in some places is absolutely amazing. I don't see this Eugene guy having the architecture. He just made something called a hog hogage, whatever people called it. Um and said that this prehistoric elephant footed thing was an actual creature and people but people were so fucking gullible. Well, I mean they didn't have any way of fact checking things there, did they? It's a bit of wood. Yep. If you go let me go back to the code. Let me have a close look at that. Oh, it's a bit of wood with spikes in it. Cool. Yeah, but they had no electric. I don't care. So there would be no lighting apart from fire. Didn't they have electric back then though? No, 1920s is when they started getting the electric. They had torches. They could have put it close enough and it would have burned. That's true. Anyway, that's that's what happened to it. It's um they have it has fake it till you make it energy and it's a mascot for this town in Wisconsin. So wow, that's fun. The squonk? The squonk? Mm-hmm. The relatable one. If a hot ag is the most aggressive looking, it was the most aggressive looking. The squonk is the most emotional. How could it be emotional? Is this one arts and crafts as well? We will find out. Okay. The squonk lives in Pennsylvania and honestly, I feel for this guy. So the legend says that the squonk is so ugly with saggy warty skin that it spends its entire life crying because it can't stand its own reflection. Sounds like Donald Trump. Just with less nukes. It's overly emotional and but no, he loves himself. Yeah, he loves looking at himself. Okay, fine. He thinks he's like the hottest state when actually he looks like a fucking what's it? Yeah, fair enough. So this is just a really depressing little creature, basically. So it's only is the only cryptid with a defense mechanism no is the only cryptid with a defence mechanism of dissolving.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

So if you corner a squonk, if you wanted to know this, by the way, it doesn't bite you. It just cries so hard that it turns into a pool of tears and bubbles. I can see why it's the emotional one. It's like me. It's me. I cry over everything. Imagine trying to confront someone and they just liquefy into sad. Like, to be fair, we have all been there. Yeah. But to that extent, it's impressive. Yeah. I mean, I thought sadness on Inside Out was a bit much, but sounds like that she this one's got sadness, like, you know. To the max. Yeah. So that's the squonk. Oh. So if you catch a squonk, try and be nice to it. Yeah. Be like, you're beautiful. You're so lovely. Maybe it's like that water thing where if you towel water is bad, it just like turns black. But if you're really nice to the water, it grows and flourishes. Maybe the squonk could be a squirt. No. I'm sure it is. I'm sure if you treat it just the right way. Oh god. Anyway. So the next one is the fur-bearing trout. So speaking of biology, let's talk about the fur-bearing struck. So this is a classic telltale. The story goes that the waters of the Arkansas River were so cold that the trout evolved thick white woolly coats to stay warm. People believe anything. I just want to make that. So we just hairy trouts. Did you just shave it to get to get to the meat?

SPEAKER_01 38:43

It was a scary movie.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

So obviously a man walked into his wife. She was in the water. No, she hadn't been in the water. That's why it smelled a trout. She only had that one bath a year, like the uh kidnapped the bath water thing. Yeah, so he walked in and he was like, Oh, it smells a trout in here. Well, there's a hairy one over there. It grew it grew hair. But you treat you right. Oh. So one version of the story says that they grew fur because someone accidentally Oh my god, why do people believe this? Anyway, one version of the story says that they grew fur because someone accidentally spilled a four jug four jugs of hair tonic into the river.

unknown 39:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

I mean, they used to believe that if you drank too much milk you'd get hair on your chest or something stupid like that. Yeah, very true. Um, when we were kids, we thought that eating carrots would make us see in the dark. But my favourite part is how you supposedly catch them. Oh god. So do you want to know how you were meant to catch these hairy trouts? Bottle of wine in a good book. For Avatar. And some chocolates. Not that. Um, you don't you don't use a hook. You stand on the shore and offer a free shave. That trout jumps out of the water because it's tired of being so fluffy. And that's when you grab it.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

Do you know what I thought you were gonna say? You stand at the shore and pull your pants down.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

You shout free shave. Who wants a free shave? All the truck was flapping around. I'll save the razor bone, I'll get the wax out. This is when the women have figured out their snorkels so they can do a headstand. But yeah. Or is it the mermaids? It may be the mermaids. It's not a hairy trout. That yeah, it's ti it's tired of being so fluffy. It's just tired. Surely you get claustrophobic to cut it. No, the crabs are the original easily cut. Oh my goodness. But people actually fell for this apparently. There was a specimen in the Royal Museum of Scotland for years until someone noticed a fur was just rabbit skin glued to a regular trout. How could you get to a museum? I mean, it's in Scotland. So a lot of people probably drunk whiskey. No offense to any Scotch people, but also some offence because your people put this fucking furry trout in a museum and then only discovered later on, after years of it being in there, actually, it's just rabbit skin. It's a rabbit fur. So they didn't even examine it, they went, oh, that'll do. That looks so real. Yep. That's ridiculous. That is ridiculous. Would you like me to do one? Because really kind of. As we were talking, I was like, we're doing all these ones from like America and all these other places. Surely we have some of our own Cornish ones. Are they funny? I mean, it's not funny as such. I've just I just thought we'd I'd throw this in. Okay. Let's throw it. Like Do you know what I'm gonna be talking about? Have a go. The Cornish orchids. No. Oh, well I like the Cornish Naucers. The Cornish Pixies. Well they are technically the Cornish Northwest. Or Piskies, as some people call them. So while modern movies like Lockhart and Gildroy depict them as bright blue winged insects, the traditional Cornish piskies is quite different. Historically, they look like tiny wizened old men with red hair and pointed ears. They're almost always dressed in earthy colours like green or brown, often wearing rags, moss, grasses, or distinctive red caps. I don't know why this evening my brain, I c I look at stuff and I'm like, that's a word. But I don't know what it says. I know what it says, but my brain just won't tell me. In original folklore, piskies do not have wings, which I always told they did. But then I don't know if that's just because as kids, when we went on like school trips to the mines and stuff. They used to be like, oh, the pi the pixies, and I used to think pits pits Pixies and Fairies were like similar things. Yeah. So I don't know if that's where I got it from. Um they move through the air via magic or by riding horses and spirit paths. Three main paths. Yeah, I'm not sure what meant by that. I don't remember hearing any of that in the things, but then again, I was a child when they were told telling us. There are three main theories in the Cornish law about where they came from. And all of them are a bit melcony. Mal melancholy. I can't say that word. Melancholy. Melancholy? I don't know. That sounds yeah. It sounds right, but you know when you say something so you don't know what doesn't it right? Anyway, so the first theory is they are believed to be the souls of the children who died before being baptized. I didn't know that, that's depressing. Yeah, I think that's why they didn't tell us in our school trips. The second theory is they were neutral angels. So legend says they were angels who weren't good enough for heaven, but weren't bad enough for hell during Lucifer's rebellion. Wow. So they're kind of a nimbo. And the third theory is ancient race. Some people believe that the spirits of the ancient prehistoric people of Cornwall, the in quotation quotation marks little people who shrunk as Christianity took over the land.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 45:46

Because they were pranks. So piskies or pixies aren't necessarily evil, but they are incredibly petty. Mischievous. I love a petty bitch. So the Piskey led or lead, I'm not sure how it's supposed to be said. This is their most famous trip. They confuse travellers on the moors so that the path the person has walked a thousand times suddenly feels alien. People can walk in circles for hours, just inches from their own front door. That seems like an asshole thing to do. It's probably worth saying people go missing on the moors. Probably. They've also got tangling manes. So they love horses. And farmers would often wake up to find their horse exhausted with their manes tied into piskey knots, which are like tangles that are really hard to matted. Yeah, they've m they've matted the hair. And they like to be the helpful spirit. So if you leave a pisky, a bowl of milk or some bread, they might finish your chores for you overnight. But beware, if you try to pay them with new clothes, they will get offended and leave forever. No thank you. But what I haven't seen on this is something that what we were told from being down like in the mining area. So I don't know why it's not on here, but we I remember being told that with the Cornish pasties, obviously you would have because a lot of people don't know this, and I've seen some people on like um Facebook and stuff get really angry with other people when they say like it's Cornish pasty and it's in Devon and stuff like that, and they're like, oh a traditional Cornish pasty and it has like peas and stuff in it. Yeah. That annoys me, because no. But the traditional Cornish pasty has one side savory, so like your meat, your potatoes and stuff, and the other side was your sweet, so like your your pudding. And then you have a big crust around the edge, like the crimped part. So the miners would go down to the mines and eat the lunch, and then when they were finished, they weren't allowed to eat the crust. Because one, the crust is there as a handle, because they've got soothing all the crap all over their hands. They don't want you touching their food. So that's their way of holding food without getting it close. Yeah. So instead of throwing it out, they would leave it to the side, they throw it down into the mine for the piskies to eat. It wasn't for the piskies, that's why you can't it's not on there. Is it not? It's the Cornish knockers. Oh. See, I was always told it was the pixies. Yeah, I think piskies and pixies are different things. So the Cornish knockers are like the mining. Well, I have got words with my primary school teacher. Like that's the name, because when me and Malika did the escape room for the the mine, the mining escape room, um, that was in Campbell and whatever. Um we done loads of research on it. Because I originally thought that's what it was, but it's actually they're actually called the Cordish knockers, and then they're also meant to like tap on the they if you basically if you were to leave the little crust, if there was gonna be a mine collapse, they would knock on the mine to warn you. Okay, but if you didn't leave it, they wouldn't warn you. Yeah, see when I was a kid, we were told that they would leave it for the pixies and then that was their way of protecting themselves. I think we'll do a whole entire episode on the floor. Um I think it'll be a fun episode. My primary school teachers and we will Mr. Hammond, come on. We will um circle back and we will clarify Yeah. Um I'm now annoyed. I'm annoyed. Okay, I'll give you please do. Um the last thing, because it's been going on for a while. Would you like to hear a story, like a real story of someone, like someone's story of an encounter with either the hot the hot ag or the fairy tro the fairy trout or the squonk? I I have the story. The hairy trout. Oh, but then you got the squonk, and then I would just kid think of you saying it's a squirt. But I don't think that's gonna be somebody's The Barbershop trout is what this was called. So in the Great Lakes region, there is a recurrent story about a fisherman who claimed to have found the perfect way to catch the furry-bearing trout. You go down to the local brothel and give them any money they want. No. Oh. So most people tried to use the hooks, but he claimed the trout's fur was too thick and the hooks just got tangled in the hair and never caught the um then if it tangles in the house. It never caught it never caught the mouth of the trout. Okay. Um so if it's tangled in the hook, it'll still catch it, right? I don't know. I mean, he's he's he's clearly a drunk fisherman at this point. He's catching these. He definitely is from what he's done. So he told a group of wide-eyed tourists It sounds like a Scottish person fucking with the tourists, to be fair, that he started to bring a barber's pole and a bowl of shaving cream to the riverbank. He claimed he would whistle and the trout would jump out of the water to get the sh the summer trim because they were overheating in the cold water while they were waiting for the shave. He would just bag them. He reportedly sold dozens of shaved trout, which were just regular fish to people who bought the story. This guy's a genius. Oh god. So I've already prepared it for you. Here's your shaved trout. Oh, I really wish we could have started something and profited on people being stupid, because there are there are people who will still believe that these days. And that's a scary thing. It's like we have the internet, we have Google, we have dictionaries and encyclopedias and yet there's still people who will believe things like that. There it is. Yeah. Um but yeah, that's that's the story of of the uh the furry trout. People believe anything. Yeah. But that was today's episode. That went really quickly. That was fifty-six minutes. Okay, so because I got so distracted about telling you about the Cornish knockers, not realising that's what I was talking about. I forgot to tell you how you protect yourself from the piskies. Okay, you might you quickly quickly tell the uh the listeners how you do that. Okay, so you got three options. Okay. You can turn your pockets inside out. Yeah. This is the universal reset button, apparently. Oh. And it supposedly confuses the piskies and breaks a special that's but it breaks their spell. Interesting. Yeah. Or you can use iron. So like most Faye, Pixies hate iron. Carrying a cold iron nail in your pocket means you are untouchable. Or if you sit down on the wrong way, you've got a hole in your leg. Or in your butt, depending on which pocket you put it in. Very true. Or for the third option, salt and bread. So keeping salt on your windowsill or bread in your pockets is a traditional way to keep them from entering your home. Is that why you make the saltiest bread? That was because the measuring spoon was different. Ah, the tools were different. Yes. I didn't have the right equipment. Vicki made the saltiest bread before. It was disgusting. But before that, I had made the most delicious bread. Yeah, because each time I used the measuring spoon. Instead of using a teaspoon, I used the measuring teaspoon. And it fucked it up. She's blaming it. I have made bread since and it's been delicious. But thanks so much for listening, and we will see you next week. Yes. Um, also, before you go, please give us a uh subscribe to our podcast because it really helps or follow us. Um it does and leave a comment. Yes, that also helps with the algorithm. And if you want to follow us on TikTok or Instagram, we have the Coldsport Confessions um pod on TikTok and the cult call uh the Cold Sports podcast um on Instagram, but our details are in the show notes below anyway. And if you've got any listener stories, then please send them in. Um because we'd love to actually l do another lips lip kind of speak another listener episode soon. Yes. It doesn't have to be like ghost stories, it can be true crime. Anything true crime. Anything fun. Any folklore that from where you live, if you think it's like interesting, just send it in. We'd love to listen and read it out for you. Definitely. So yeah, if you could do that, be amazing. And yeah, thank you so much for listening. Bye. Bye.